I know Blog #6 strayed a bit from talking about he farm and much of this post might, as well. But the experiences I'm describing and my perspective on it were pivotal in creating an unbreakable foundation for me to stand on to persevere into a life of farming. Even though farming was my dream, I was so firmly planted in the mindset of the responsibility I had as a man to take care of my family, I don't believe I would ever have taken the risk to leave my career job and all the things it gave me to fulfill my perception of being responsible. Even if I had taken "the leap", I KNOW, I would have quit at some point in the first three years out of fear of failing.
I'm getting a little ahead of myself. I left my job in April. Perfect timing for a farmer, really. I threw myself into farming from April - August. I didn't work on any plans for my future. At this point, I was not even seriously considering farming. I believe I spent much of this time in shock and in denial for what I had done. But it was a nice little fairy tale. I just enjoyed life in ignorance.
Then the new school year started and my wife went back for another year of teaching and the kids went back to school. That's when reality HIT me. What am I going to do? How am I going to support my family? What have I done to my life? Who am I? I definitely didn't know that. My entire image of myself was falsely wrapped up in my career. I was forced to figure out who I really was, stripped of the common societal factors that often define us: "student", "athlete", "professional". I still was a husband and a father but without a job it felt like I was a failure in those roles. You could say, I lost it for a bit...lol! It took some counseling and a lot of patient support from my wife and best friend to lift me out of the dark, terrifying, confused place I was in.
I finally got myself together enough to start looking for a job. I ended up landing a job that provided me the experience and confidence I needed to ultimately launch Carwood Farm LLC., even though the universe had not yet revealed this to me!
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